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"I am it"

One-in-eight Australians provide unpaid care and support to a family member or friend with disability, mental illness, chronic condition, terminal illness or who is aged. But what is it really like to care? Share your experience here.

Moderator: Matt (CPC Admin)

Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Sep 23, 2019 6:09 pm
Group: Carer Peer Connect

"I am it"

Unread postby GK » Mon Sep 23, 2019 6:46 pm

I don't if this is the right place to share a reflection and a bit of a whine but its first time on a forum...

I"m the youngest of four, two siblings just don't conact mum my eldest sister comes to help but I have to ask never a pop in and saying can I do anything for mum today. I relised last year that "I am it" I left mum in her care for one weekend and will never do that again upon my arrival home she commented she can understand how hard it is for me, I replied you get to go home now so I don't think you do. When I do get help for couple hours for her to mind mum I haven't even opened my car door and my sister is already out the front saying good bye it just re-confirms "I am it" who else will care for mum. I had a beautiful fiance that lived an hour and bit away it took a toll on the relationship among other things and not being able to get there like in previous years she was my future I clung to with hope for us to have our life together eventually it kept me going, now I feel very alone and sort of left behind....
My mum is my mumy there is no choice I will honor her wishes to stay at home as long as possible.
But man the hardest part is seeing mum change just a bit more each week now 83 asking where her mum is and is everything ok did we get divorced.
I can't fathom what its like through mums eyes, we used to butt heads a bit you know the normal parent child relationship thingy now its more thinking mums gone way back in time back to childhood never to return to grow younger every day and not able to learn new skills like a child can, slowly leaving but still here.... I take comfort in what God said to Moses in the desert His people will not see the promised land because they did not put their trust in God but the children do not know right from wrong they will see His promised land..... Almost like Dementia is wiping the slate clean for older people being child like to make it into His promise land "Heaven"

Matt (CPC Admin)
Posts: 47
Joined: Wed Nov 11, 2015 10:19 am
Group: CPC Staff Member

Re: "I am it"

Unread postby Matt (CPC Admin) » Tue Sep 24, 2019 3:43 pm

Thank you for sharing your story GK. It must be hard to witness your mums descent into demention and the isolation and losses that come with it. Hopefully this message board can provide some connection for you.
Matthew Elder
Education and Training Officer
Carers NSW

P 02 9280 4744 Level 10, 213 Miller Street
F 02 9280 4755 North Sydney NSW 2060
Carer Line 1800 242 636 PO Box 785 North Sydney NSW 2059
[email protected]

Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Sep 23, 2019 6:09 pm
Group: Carer Peer Connect

Re: "I am it"

Unread postby GK » Fri Oct 11, 2019 1:57 am

Thanks Matt

Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Dec 04, 2019 10:40 am
Group: Carer Peer Connect

Re: "I am it"

Unread postby ThisOne » Wed Dec 04, 2019 11:48 am

Hi GK,

I just wanted to reach out and say you aren’t alone. A lot of your post I could of written myself. Our stories are weirdly similar in some ways.

I am also the youngest child of four and the only one stepping up to look after my 83 year old mother who has dementia who wants to remain in her own home.

I completely understand the frustration with siblings not helping out much (or at all). My sister said to me yesterday that spending time with Mum is very stressful and she thinks it’s giving her panic attacks - she visits for about two hours 2 – 3 times a month. And much like you I’m like “But you get to go home!” - And she’s the sibling that actually makes some effort. The other 2 don’t bother at all.

Anyway, I just wanted to reach out because it was nice, in some strange way, to know that there is someone out there going through similar trials.

All the best to you and your Mum.

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