Page 1 of 1

When friends start to disappear.

Posted: Thu Aug 15, 2019 11:04 am
by Matt (CPC Admin)
Hey all,

I was reading this article about Liz Cambage's battle with depression. Liz Cambage is an Australian basketball player currently playing in the WNBA. The opening paragraph really hit home for me.

"Have you ever heard of a rip?

One moment you might be having a normal sunny day at the beach, no big deal. You’re chilling, you’re swimming around with your friends. And then the next moment — what you don’t even realize, is that slowly but surely the current has been dragging you out into the ocean. And now the water is getting deeper and deeper….. and your friends have all disappeared….. and it doesn’t feel so sunny anymore….. and you can’t move….. and you can’t breathe….. until suddenly it’s just you, alone, under these enormous, dark waves…..

And you drown.

That’s a rip.

It’s also the closest I can come to describing what it’s like when I’m depressed."

The idea of being slowly dragged out in a rip really connected with me. For many carers, we find ourselves caught in these rips and don't even realise it. Our friends have all disappeared and it doesn't feel so sunny any more.

The isolation is a common impact that many of us feel in our caring role. Friends start to disappear because either they 'dont get it' or getting out for us is too hard.

What are some of your experiences? How do you overcome this?

Article: DNP-Mental Health

Re: When friends start to disappear.

Posted: Fri Aug 16, 2019 9:57 pm
by cau1
I like to share my experience that relates to that analogy of the story above.
The "deepest" disappearance happened after completing high school and not being able to be part of the close-knit friendship groups. Those friends that I was very close throughout my schooling, I don't see them or be in regular touch. Even if we had been in touch every now and then, it's hard.

There's both situations where they don't get it because they don't really understand the level - at the same time I don't want to overwhelm them that would impact the social connection. I overcame thoughts and feelings of me being too hard on myself and not knowing how to let something go and move on.

It is important that you see yourself other opportunities and network out there - whether it be at uni/college, workplaces or at community places like libraries and community centres. I am very close now with a high school who we weren't very close at all - we didn't know each other and find out that we both have commonality and similarities that we both are Carers!

So there are both positives and negatives when friends start to disappear. I'm not so bothered of others that disappear because that's their own choice and decision.

Yes, it can be very isolating but don't make that isolation to forever permanently be that.

Re: When friends start to disappear.

Posted: Mon Aug 19, 2019 4:24 pm
by Matt (CPC Admin)
Thanks for sharing cau1. You’re right. There are both positives and negatives when friends start to disappear. I feel very fortunate to have the friends (and supports) in my life now who have joined me since the caring journey began.

Re: When friends start to disappear.

Posted: Thu Oct 03, 2019 1:04 pm
by Roddy
My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer late last year at the age of 60. He recently finished chemo and while he will never be in remission, his cancer is being well managed at the moment.

I found we had a lot of verbal support when he was first diagnosed; let me know if you need anything, we will be there for you etc. While he looks good and "seems" well to others, they don't see how hard things really are on a day to day basis. I'm too proud to ask for help as everyone keeps telling me how good he looks.

I now have high blood pressure, my hands are covered in eczema from being constantly stressed, and I cry all the time. I feel I have to put on a brave face for everyone, especially our two sons, so everyone else feels ok.

If I try to talk to people about our experience with cancer, they quickly change the subject, so I don't bother anymore. While our friends may seem to be "there", they really aren't. :(